I have not finished judging the contest, but you should know that I am in the middle of it. I will be updating this blog as I go. You submitted your entry publicly, I will give you comments publicly. If you have a problem with the transparency, I suppose I can remove all but the rating.

WARNING: I'm a Creative Writing minor in my senior year of undergraduate college. I expect a lot out of writers even if you don't expect a lot out of yourselves yet. My critiques are meant to be taken as constructive criticism, not as an insult. If I say something wasn't working, it doesn't mean you've totally failed as a writer (even I've claimed you have). I'm just one writer with an opinion. Please consider my comments and then judge for yourself whether they have any weight on your writing.

A Child at Rest - wweerrdd
# 8/10
# Intro was shaky and awkwardly phrased. Words and descriptions used were often detached from reality and had no real meaning. For instance if I say something is beautiful, that doesn't mean anything other than pleasing. You can't see a beautiful object though you may have several ideas of beautiful. You should focus on minute detail and description in the future.

# Once you get into it though you do a much better job. The description of the painting is great, though it could be enhanced with details of the vase. What color was it before? Shape, weight size? How'd you get it down. There's not a lot of room to work with that in a piece like this, but I'm sure you can find stuff to cut to put more things like that in.

# Your narrator is crazy. I don't know how else to put it. You did a good job of creeping me out, though I'm not a hundred percent settled on the ending of how the daughter is tied to the mother. I think you need to do a little more to make that work.

# Nice piece, but still rough around the edges.

Untitled - LUXURY-YACHT

Here is my terrible entry. (DON'T EVER DO THIS, NEVER UNDERCUT YOUR WRITING)

# 7/10
# There were basic contradictions in your descriptions which did little to enhance your characters. More is said on this later. I would suggest condensing and removing a lot of what you don't need. Unfortunately the entire scenario was too cliche and the punchline came off awkwardly and unsupported. Don't get me wrong, its an excellent punchline, but the preparation and lead up to needs to be crafted a lot better. Why does any of the stuff mater before "manifest destiny." If your story is about manifest destiny, it should be about it the entire time, even if we can't know it till we read that line. Humor must come from situation, and we don't have that in the courtroom. There aren't any real grammatical or stylistic concerns, but the story needs massive improvements on the level of plot. Plus you told me it sucked. If you believe that should I disagree with you? Comments on individual paragraphs follow, you may have to piece them back together.

# Note, you use extraneous detail in the very first sentance. Mr. already implies we are dealing with a man. This may appear nit-picky but its vital to the flow of your story and you're on the level that you should start thinking about how you construct your sentances. Also, names are important. Nadine Soaring Eagle makes her sound like a native american and also breaks your story. Even if you mean for it to be humorous, the humor should lie in the situation, not the name.

# You use some vague words in the most innapropriate places. "many a misunderstanding" What kind of misunderstanding? What does this really mean. Also, some of your descriptions aren't particular enough and the loftiness of them ruins the picture. An eruption doesn't sound like a paintbrush, unless you say frayed paint brush and then we know what you are talking about. For a wet paint brush everything is stuck together and NOT erupting. Particular details will help so long as you don't contradict yoruself. Also, think about cutting back. Compression is your friend, as is conciseness.

# drop curiously, doesn't add anything to the story and "curiously small" is almost cliche. What color hankerchif? How did his neck wobble as he cleared his throat? If we are going for satire, make it extreme!

# This paragraph is mostly fine. You may find room for compression, but everything works so far and I don't feel that you've made any of the mistakes you made before.

# You may wish to cut things like "Mr. Norman answered" We know he answered because he was the one who was spoken to and the previous line suggested it. Describing the way people talk is seen as a weakness in writing when you progress. The sentances you use should do a good enough job expressing emotion, otherwise you are using the wrong sentances.

# Note that prosecuters don't have clients. They represent "the people." Watch few episodes of Law and Order. ;)

# "Shouted the red-faced attourney", or "shouted the attouney, red-faced" Different feels are possible just by rearanging words.

# It's a story for a punch line.

This Is A Word Count. - F-E-A-R

# 8.3/10

# Well, I've got to say you've done a good job with this piece especially with the tone and voice. In fact, the penis doesn't hurt the story one bit because it fits. Its true satire like stuff of a guy that doesn't understand what he's doing. Plus, your writing style really reminds me of this guy I know named Pete who was in my writing class this year. He always wrote really fucked up, but amazing shit like this. This is a little more grounded in reality than I'm used to, but its done well, pulled together real well.

# What do you need to fix? Well, mostly you need to fixe your tense issues. Its clear not a lot of effort was put into fixing that part and it was really tripping up the reading of the last paragraph. Presentation is everything in writing it just made it hard to read so I stumbled a few times, and it wasn't over the penis.

# Usually gimmicks liked the dashed writing get to me and I can't stand them, but it worked well here because I could hear them speaking like that. Rythm worked out and everything. Keep the dashes otherwise it will be incomprehensible to your readers.

# The only part of your story that isn't working well is the beginning and its because it feels like its partially unrelated, or not the character we know by the end of it, or at least not important to what actually happens. The bailed again line sets us up for a story about bailing out, but it never happens. Now that you've got a decent last few paragraphs, I'd work on that one, possibly just dropping the mtv bit. Last paragraphs really decently good. Still, small things drag you down. Couldn't quite give you a 9.

# NIGHTTIME JUNGLE - BrianEtrius
# 6/10

# Crippled by a cliche story line. Vietnams been done, and unless you do it differently its hard for the reader to care. Things that really need to change are your style and voice. You've got the same problem of excessive nonimportant description, but now that I've pointed it out you can fix it.

# What I think this story needs is drastic reorganization. Bring us into it unsuspecting. We're in a jungle, we're walking, and fuck the dream bit out of it. Keep it in one scene, the one that matters, otherwise the story has to be much much longer. Reminisce and use a flash back, but don't warn us about mines. In the middle of your no right no wrong paragraph, which by the way works. You've got tone there, finally, have him hit the mine.

# Then you should experiment with something a little crazy. Their called fragments and they can do wonders for your writing (just don't use them in high school because high school teachers are ignorant twits that like to force unnecessary grammar rules on you {LOL Grammar still matters though}). You can for instance have a single line set off from everything else that says "Discharge." If you make the first paragraphs this out to be his life then that single word will have meaning for your audience.

# Also, that first paragraph could then be placed at the end to wrap everything up. Don't inform us about the way things work. Most of us have a concept of what a veteran is and what he suffers and what vague things and challenges he probably faced in the war. Your job for this story, if you choose to continue to work on it should be to focus on a single scene, build up the soldier as a real person, then suprise the reader by blowing off his legs by making them think everything will be alright.

# You could even call the story something sarcastic like "Homecoming," and then it will have more meaning when your reader finishes. Anyways, what I'm describing is all there in your story, but you need to cut out the extra bits and focus on the details of what you think and have said matters.

# Its a decent start, but it isn't a finished project.

# Untitled - Lazy Pint
# 9/10

# There's only one real point of confusion and it needs to be cleared up. I get now on reading number two that he didn't forget his gun and was messing with the guy he was talking to, but when he says he forgets it and doesn't have a history of lying for the drama in place, it trips me up. That needs fixed.

# Otherwise, great job of creating a voice. I know this guy even though I don't, he's a dick, but he's good at what he does. Its a bit unrealistic, you can't shoot guys like that and drop out of the way of bullets already in the air, but the guy's a spinner of tall tails so I can accept this.

# I'd reconsider "yadda yadda" don't know why but it bothers me. Good story, raincoat punchline works and is justified.

# This isn't 10/10 for two reasons. One, your confusing bit that I caught. Its not completely polished so I can't up it to full marks. The second has to do with point and purpose. Your story or scene works cohesively, but doesn't mean a lot by the time I'm done with it. This could be any detective or drug dealer. The lack of the person, though it works here, is still a weakness that eventually needs aleviating, but this is also clearly part of a longer story and I would expect that if you develop it we'd find out more about the guy.

# Heart and Inhibition - Peaceblossom
# 7.5/10

# This piece is a start at an allegory. I'm assuming you know what an allegory is, but if you don't you should look it up and study it before attempting this again. An allegory is an extended metaphor with a moral attached to it. In this case, the names drive the allegory and the innaction is the opposite of the moral you are trying to get at. Your purpose is completely crystal clear, and that is unfortunately the flaw.

# Grammatical errors don't really exist in this piece, but the sentances are still relatively weak. The weakness is derived from the vagueness of detail. In this vacume of non-space we have ideas. Ideas can make great stories. I would suggest reading anything by Millhauser to get an idea of what I'm talking about. His latest book is called Dangerous Laughter and the book mainly deals with the ideas of obsession, progress, and a few others. It would be helpful I think for you to read him.

# Though you have named your characters after abstract figures, your world can't be this abstract, but instead needs to be tied further to the real world. You can't tell us that nothing happens, you have to show us that nothing happens. You have floating head syndrome here. I know you have characters, but I don't know what they look like. I know you have a setting, but I don't know what it looks like. Even if you chose not to give physical descriptions, we should have more to go on from the two characters interactions than we do here. Tell us less, give us a scene.

# This is ultimately a good start, but the lack of anything "real" hurts it. Ideas are wonderful and essential to stories, and you have one. You have the main driving conflict for your story, but you need to submerge it beneath the real people. There is always a hidden conflict beneath the visible one and too much explination robs your reader of the chance to find it.

Well, kind of. You're going to start seeing a lot more of me and I plan to pick up where I left off moderating on the 12th of this December. That's next friday.

Go ahead and check out a writing competion I'm running in the mean time: Sudden Fiction

Basic Job: 13 Portraits, People 23 - 65, Male & Female
Deadline: December 1st, 2008
Monetary Payment: Negotiable
Dimensions: 300 x 300 pxls

I'm in need of 13 portraits for the specific characters listed bellow. They will be integrated into a flash movie. The website they will be posted on is listed below. I'm looking for an artist who has experience drawing faces/portraits. The portraits should be clean, crisp drawings and human.. The portraits will be uploaded into a flash movie that is under construction, but mostly finished. See the web link below.

Trigger Ethics Website: Trigger Ethics Temporary Site

The best file format you could give me would be a set of .psd's. I could also work with .jpg, .gif, and .fla files that are compatible with Flash Mx or earlier if it becomes necessary.

Backgrounds on the portraits can be either blank or relative to the dystopian society in which they live.

As far as payment, I'm a poor college student. I don't have any money at all to give to an artist. If there needs to be some sort of payment, contact me anything and I may have ways to pay you. So if money is a concern of yours, I can work with you, I just can't guarantee anything.

If you're the kind of person who will work for recognition alone, then this might be the project for you. Since this is a project I did in college, the college basicly wants to make the work as visible as possible. Its entirely possible that they will ensure thousands of people view the website. You will be credited for your work. In addition to my college doing tons of pr work, this radio drama will be played on Radiogrounds and whatever other internet stations I can get to play it. The website is advertised at the end of each episode, so one way or another people are going to find the site. There will also be a podcast to attract people to the site, and finally I'll be pming tons of people on newgrounds and creating a facebook site. So, you will get recognition and this is a great project to be a part of. Please do it!

The series, a 7 part mini series, is in the final stages of production. We will be broadcasting in January. So the pictures need to be done by December so that we have plenty of time for PR.

Here's more information on the world. The last section are the people that actually need to be drawn.

Sociatal information/Clothing Style/Setting information:
This world is dystopian world in the "not too distant" future. The environment has gone to hell to the point that one needs a gas mask to walk outside. Cities themselves are run by Capatilistic Coorporations responsible for all of the needs of the city. The city we deal with is Pinnacle City, run by Pinnacle Arms (specializes in weapons manufacturing).

Characters in this Radio Drama are either part of the company or part of the underground church. Those involved with the company would always wear business attire. Those in the "trods", the poor outcasts of society, are much more likely to wear whatever they can get their hands on, steal, or make themselves. Common trod clothing includes the standard cowboy hat, gasmasks, loose fitting, functional, worn clothing, and tan trenchcoats.

Gadgetry is advanced, but not beyond recognition. Most people who carry guns still carry revolvers or rifles of some sort. PDAs function as the main computational device. Computers are generally built into desks or walls.

DESCRIPTIONS:
These are the characters that need to be drawn:

Leon Westcott- Male, 29 yrs, 6'1'', Clean shaven Dirty blond to light brown, Parted hair (to the left), less than beatles length. business (hero)

Leon is a dedicated executive who slowly but surely worked his way up the company ladder. His work is careful and precise; he doesn't like leaving things up to chance. He is also an ethical man, but not beyond reason. However, his fellow executives view this as a weakness, especially Dekker (for whom Leon holds particular distain).

Leon can be frequently found shooting with Jack Dreely, another executive.

Brass- Male, 42 yrs, 5'7'', Beard, Dark Hair, Cunning, angular, but wider... dirty "spiky" hair, greasy (gun runner, carries grenades at all times kind of guy)

Brass is a sardonic gun-trader from who knows where. While a mercenary by all appearances, Brass is amused by Leon and becomes something of a friend to him. Brass's street smarts and raw ability with firearms help balance out the characteristics of the ex-executive. Brass believes that Joseph is an annoying hypocrite and often bickers with him.

Joseph Alder - Male, 43 yrs, 5'9'', Clean shaven, blond, Dirty blond. closer to brown. flecks of gray, Not quite jesus look (aspiring to be a preacher, member of an underground robinhood like church)

Joseph is the right-hand man of Father Rosewood, leader of the Underground Church. Joseph is dedicated to overthrowing Pinnacle Arms and hates everything that has to do with the company. He tries to display the virtues of his movement but is easily agitated into a foul or angry mood by Brass.

Joseph Alder's chief job as 2nd in command is to run raides on Pinnacle warehouse to collect filters for the poor.

Mitch Irksome - Male, 23 yrs, 5'9'', Fashionable square glasses, Pastel Green Suit, close cut hair, fashionable dorky (Business intern)

Mitch Irksome is an intern at Pinnacle Arms. He's a suck up, spending most of his time begging for a conversation with an executive. He's the coffee boy of Pinnacle Arms.

In his off time, Mitch frequents the fashion net, the online fashion news channel.

Verena Dekker - Female, 45 yrs, 5,4'', Bitch, Pulled back tight, Black (French), Powerful Woman Suit (Business Executive)

Dekker is an arrogant, calculating, self-satisfying prick. She considers herself superior to all the other executives, especially Leon. She is also incredibly ambitious. Dekker is the first to correct a peer and the last to admit wrong doing.

If any of the executives was up to no good, Dekker might be the person you'd most suspect.

Jack Dreely - Male, 35 yrs, 5'8'', Red-Brown hair, Greasy salesman, Hair slicked back, Mid short, "Greasy mafioso", thin (Business Executive)

Dreely is a jerk and only out for number one. Though exceedingly intelligent, he better known for being very clever. He made the position of executive by manipulating and tricking other people. Dreely is incredibly cynical and sees little point in doing anything that does not benefit him.

Rosewood- Male, 58 yrs, 6'5'', Long hair, respectably balding (high forhead), gray preacher beard, cowboy hat (Underground Church leader, respectec, in charge)

Father Rosewood is the leader of the Underground Church. While he is a devout Christian priest, he does not discrimante against any other religion and sees himself as a champion of all the downtrodden. He views the current system run by Pinnacle as corrupt and oppressive and wishes for change more than anything else. Though fast with a gun, Rosewood does not revel in killing and believes in temperance. This being said, when placed in a combat situation against those he believes are evil, Rosewood rises to challenge and deals out "swift justice."Father Rosewood is the leader of the Underground Church. While he is a devout Christian priest, he does not discrimante against any other religion and sees himself as a champion of all the downtrodden. He views the current system run by Pinnacle as corrupt and oppressive and wishes for change more than anything else. Though fast with a gun, Rosewood does not revel in killing and believes in temperance. This being said, when placed in a combat situation against those he believes are evil, Rosewood rises to challenge and deals out "swift justice."

Gudden- Male, 54 yrs, 5'9'', Large, CEO, Bald shiny head, hair on sides above ears, graying brown. (Blowhard ceo of pinnacle arms inc.)

A loud and perpetually angry CEO, he is the direct boss of all the executives. His only concern is the welfare of the company and its stock holders.

Roman Hale - Female, 32 yrs, 6'3, Sharp angular features, long blond hair, cold blue eyes, looks like she would end you (Assassin, sociopath, blends in and looks sophisticated)

Roman Hale is a mysterious and couth assassin hired by Dekker and Dreely. Hale is sophisticated and collected in most manners and appearances, but she is actually a deranged sociopath who enjoys torturing her targets before their demise and giving soliloquies.

In a small box, deep within her briefcase lies a collection of eye-teeth, human eye-teeth.

Carmichael- Male, 53 yrs, 6', Definate pudge, but regular, friendly, that guy you can like, but would sell you anything... Dyes his hair, tries to look angelic, fails (Pinnacle Church preacher, capatilistic church)

Reverend "Archpriest" Carmichael is the head of Pinnacle's Sponsored Church. He is a strange cross between a T.V. evangelist and a used car salesman. He is a showman at heart and knows how to play a crowd.

Pratchet- Male, 38 yrs, 5'7'', Growing his hair longer, Clean cut, tries to look righteous, strongly built (not ripped), angled jaw, squarer

Manders- Male, 51, 5'8'', Dry as Bread, brown hair, brown eyes, blends into a crowd, business beige boring suit (Boring business executive)

Manders is the executive in charge of food production for Pinnacle City. He likes bread and frequently makes stupid comments. Some men are born into mediocrity, Manders chose it.

There was a moment when, as a child, Manders stood on the playground. He looked at his fellow children frolicking and hung his head and turned around. Several years later, standing outside his high school prom, he hung his head. Then, one day, he was walking down a street and saw a bread bakery. He smiled.

Forscythe- Male, 48, 5,9'', Coniving, Executive for a rival company.

Forscythe is an executive for Bayer-Hopkins Incorporated, another city state neighboring Pinnacle Arms. He's just another executive, doesn't really matter what he looks like so have fun with him.

<Post below if you are interested or use my aim OOC6OOC6 to contact me>

<WEBSITE>

Go there now.

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Also, explination for why I'm not a mod atm, and that helpful blog are back one newspost.

It may still be there as you're reading this, but I expect it to be gone with in the next few days. I'm taking a break, its not anything special, but I know there will be questions.

1) Why?

I have work to do in RL, and I'm spending too much time here.

2) Will you be back?

Yes, I will be back. Eventually, and sporadically.

3) Will you be remoderated?

Dunno, that depends on several things.
a) Does newgrounds have enough moderators when I come back?
b) Will I ever have enough time again?

I don't know the answers to those questions, but there's probably a chance of me being moderated if I come back.

4) Can I have your account gOS?

No. Its probably been banned from posting.

5) Where's that handy list you made?

I'll post it immediately after this line. If anyone wants to replicate it to keep it running, go for it. All of the moderators and some users have passwords to the extending accounts, so there's no reason those can't be updated.

6) Did you do anything wrong?

No, I didn't. Not that I'm aware of anyway. :)

Anyway, take care all of you. Remember, newgrounds is awesome, RL even more so.

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This index serves as a jumping point or start point to helpful information, popular blogs, and well, my stuff too. Keep in mind the emphasis will always be to provide the most useful and helpful links first!

New to this update:
(( The Audio Report ))

To add your blogs to this post, pm gumOnShoe or post below.

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[[Newgrounds Related Blogs]]

> Official BBS Topics - These topics are all "official" in some mannor. They were likely recreated at some point or another and now all of one type of discussion should go on in here. There are also several helpful threads and official BBS moderation rulings inside. All and all, its an extremely useful collection of links if you are interested in a high traffic topic, want to make a new topic, or you want to find out about BBS House Rules.

> BBS Goldmine - Recently excivated, this list of topics are full of pure hilarity, or most of them anyway. Many users have contributed to help find these, and only the best of the best have made it on to the list.

> Contests - There are usually monthly contests in specific forums around the site. This is a good idea to figure out whats going on whether you are into art, flash, or audio. Occasionally there are writing competions as well. Have you created a contest? Add it here.

< NEW !!! > The Audio Report - by WritersBlock - A magazine style blog dedicated to interviews, tutorials and reviews of all things Audio Portal. The owners of this blog regularly accept others' articles. So whether, you're just in for a good read or you want to contribute check this out. The audio report aims to be a community project where musicians and journalists can come together.

> Newgrounds Library - by HybridOfSouls - I'm not the only to have attempted a large collection of interesting threads, nor am I the first. Recently ported over to a blog post is the Newgrounds Library, this collection is of monstrous size and helpfulness. Its a running archive of tons of different kinds of bbs happenings. Feel free to peruse its multiple newsposts for lists of its helpers, multiple pages of links, and other tid bits that have been included. Highly recommended for people looking to brush up on their NG Community History.

> NG BBS FAQ - Aside from topics being constantly recreated, you'll find that a lot of questions are constantly being asked in new topics. To spare yourself the grief of making a topic and possibly be flamed, check out this list of questions to see if its already been answered. Is there a question and answer that should be on this list? Feel free to post to the newspost with suggestions.

> NG Musician's Blog - - by Rig - - If you're into music, this one is definately for you. You'll get a list of everything from suggestions on how to improve your music, to tutorials on this site explaining how to start. It is also a great jumping point for anything related to the Audio Portal and/or forums. Definately check this one out.

> Answers to Frequently Asked Questions - This is the general Newgrounds FAQ, it isn't a blog, but I feel it belongs in this list of useful links. There's a link up above for it, but in case you didn't catch it or you can't find the answer in the NG BBS FAQ, checking this link is probably a good idea.

> C & C Index of Active Clubs - This is the list of active clubs in the clubs & crews section, sorted by topic. Its recommended that you check this list for the existance of a club before you try to recreate it. Its also a great way of finding out whether something exists if you don't know its name or the search isn't being responsive. If you have created a new club, please post it to the user page and I'll add it as soon as possible.

Newgrounds API FAQ - This is the help blog for adding ads to your flash movies. Any questions should be asked and answered here. Thanks to Psycho Goldfish for that one.

<More Coming Soon>
Do you have an extremely helpful blog that doesn't fit into one of the categories above? If the answer is yes, reply to this newspost and I'll add a link to it here. I merely request that at the bottom, or in a conspicuous place you add a [< Back To Main/Index] link so that the entire group of "blogosphere" pages remain connected and usable. If your topic does fit into one of the categories, consider adding it to that newspost instead. This Main/Index page should remain as clutter free as possible.

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[[Other Blogs]]
To add one of your newsposts to the Blogosphere, post (not pm) at the bottom of this topic. Your topic will be presented as:
<insert topic> - by <insert name>

(((Exciting News)))

(((Stories)))

(((Art)))
Saint's Aura - by Alfie: Ever wonder what ultimate good level icons would look like? He's got the entire set.

Bot's Aura - by Eddie: The bot's have such a low level, if only they deposited, right?

(((Off Site)))
Temporary Unofficial Non-Paltalk Ng-Chat
Fourth Perspective - A website dedicated to being a writing portal.
11 Names Blog Group - Run by some friends of mine

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[[Personal Blogs]]

- Trigger Ethics - A Radio Drama that is currently in production and scheduled to be broadcasted in Fall 2008.

- Upcoming Games:
Shepherd - Press M to Mute the sounds.

- Blog - My Blog - Yeah, so if you don't know yet, the name is Brian. I'm using the gumOnShoe account and a few others to run this helpful blog, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything interesting to say, or that I don't pretend to at least. If you want to pick my brain or see what I'm thinking about everynow and then, consider this link here my real blog. The rest of this is meant for you outside of the personal section.<div class="blogmedia">

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[[ Modish Announcements ]]
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(( Forum Reminder / Lesson: Replying ))
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/92 7102

This is not directed at every user, but this is a healthy reminder. A forum is about more than just the opening post. A forum is a discussion. Even more than that, it is a central gathering point for many people to discuss things. For that reason, it might be a good idea to treat each reply as if you were making a new topic. That is, unless you can justify it, find it interesting, etc, just don't post.

Here are a few basic guidelines on what not to do, that I've seen frequently, and which you might be banned for if I catch you doing it:

1) TL;DR
2) Don't care
3) <insert insult>
4) /thread
5) this is against the rules
6) use the search bar
7) Win/Fail
8) This thread/topic is now about ________

If you don't care, didn't read, or want to talk about something else, then you aren't staying on subject, which means that you either need to:

1) Create a new topic
2) Don't do anything
3) Think harder and/or read

This is where I say something like you've been warned. lol, not a mod anymore. XD

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/
461933

There is no sarcasm in this post. I'd like you to express to me exactly what it is you're looking for, complain about anything substandard with the bbs, and point out anything you'd like to see here. This isn't a bitch fest, in fact I encourage things like "wouldn't it be awesome if..."

If there's any needless complaining about the mod team, I'll probably just delete your post. I am afterall asking for your opinion so I can't be that bad of a guy.

Keep in mind your requests aren't law, nor do I have to pay any attention to them all. I promise to read them all, reply to some, but not to change moderating habits. So what will it be?

If you find you're often looking for things or confused about the bbs you may wish to check this out: Some BS

<MOMENT OF ZEN>

This is a summary of a history of a preview of a graphic novel as a proof of concept for a 40 day long, 24 hour incremented movie about a dystopian society, love, and loss and moon cowboys. It will be expanded with time and one day it may conquer your soul. You have been warned.

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It had been inevitable, from the moment the Japanese received their first vending machine. Each advancement in robotics screamed it, and the society screamed back; reveled in it. First, it was 2 foot robot that could dance, hand out video games, and kiss its owner. Then, with the advent skin like rubber polymer and gentle genetic programming it became a rich man's toy, sex toy of course.

Android Lovers were the new thing and only the rich could afford them. One consumer realized just what these android lovers might become and began to invest heavily in the corporation which created them. In five years he had accumulated enough shares that he was not just on the board, but was the board. AdroLuv incorporated became his play thing, and AndroLuv's play thing became the populace of Japan.

Japanese culture has steadfastly declined at an unstoppable rate towards heathenry since the advent of movies, animation and especially the internet. It was only a matter of time until the quintessential geek dream became a reality: "the robot lover." But how could a company make money off of a robot lover if they were too expensive to build and sell en masse. It was simple, of course, why didn't he think of it before, but he did. Tatsuro Yiamato had bought out AdroLuv Incorporated for this very reason, Robotic Companions, for a price. Sure, one could call them Robot Hookers, but hooker was such an unflattering term, and these! These were an inspiration, a gift from human ingenuity to the bedroom and the man who did not have time for trivialities of the dating world.

What's more, a robot couldn't carry diseases and could be engineered with sanitizing mechanics. Simply put, these were the ultimate safe sex fantasy Android Companions which could fulfill any man woman or child's (it is the Japanese) latent sexual needs.

The Companions were engineered to look for people with money and a lack of self esteem. They would walk the streets, blending in with the crowd, propositioning where desired and inspiring desire when not propositioned. They were a success. Americans teens preferred to call them a sexsex, but bots wouldn't be available in other countries for another decade or so, and when they were they would be a much cheaper model more likely to break down and more prone to making unfortunate accidents.

It was at about this time that the Religious Right began to galvanize in opposition to the heathenry. Unlike Japan, the United States had focused on bio-nano bots and thought the religious had been slow to accept the new technology, key members quickly realized the advantages of maintaining control of the technology with in their society. With the mass migration and integration of a Hispanic population into the United States, the more xenophobic Americans of the religious right donned mechanical flaming wings to turn themselves into quasi arch angels, latter referred to as Arch Anglos, Anglos del Diablo, and those rich loco bustards.

At fist the Arch Anglos focused on keeping their home land devoid of the lecherous Android Companions. They passed laws, usurped their own government and began to militarize Kansas, their new capitol.

By this point in time the Japanese population had begun to decline at an alarming rate. The population had become dependent upon an army of Robot Hookers, who got more and more greedy with time. Gangs of hookers roamed the streets forcing any human they could find to have sex with them. There wasn't much resistance, as the robots were really good in bed, but a team of Japanese hackers took to the flood tunnels beneath Tokyo to escape the tide of Android Lovers which was eroding their country.

Two generations later, Japan had fallen to the bots. Yiamoto had left his mark on the world, and collected most of its money. The island became boon for pirates who would try to smuggle out money, hack Yiamato's bank account, and drag hookers cross the seas to submit coastal dwelling places while the robbed them blind.

The Arch Anglos saw the threat to the rest of the world and constructed the G.O.D.'S (God-like Orbital Defense System) to reign in the robotic nemesis which had begun to learn how to use the pirates to get further from Japan and take over new sexual markets. The G.O.D.S reigned down waves of EMP over the Asian continent that hit hardest, reducing China to a Feudalistic Society which ran itself on steam power. The government maintained its central control, barely, by seizing all of the firearms in the country. China itself is now wandered by steam driven caravans of swordsmen and nomadic farmers, all of whom are oppressed by the militarized government of China.

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more to follow? perhaps

Guide: what is and what isn't spam?

Some basic examples that you should read through to understand whats going on. Keep in mind these are the basics. Unfortunately, there's more than that which you can get banned for. I'm going to talk about some of the things which are increasingly becoming a problem and which you are seriously risking getting banned for in the future should the moderation team see you doing it. These are things which have never been smiled upon, but are starting to become more of a problem.

THIS IS NOT A CONCLUSIVE LIST AND MAY BE EXPANDED.

Picture Posts I'm not talking about photography or natural disaster threads. Those are fine. I'm talking about the "joke" threads which frequently as a this or that question or have 3 or less lines and a picture. These topics generally are followed by more people posting just pictures and short posts. These can be funny, but they are spam. Mainly because we are getting too many of them. It was fine when we'd see one once a month or once every two months. Its getting to the point where its the only thing anyone knows how to do. That's a problem and we'll be cutting back on them.

Examples:
1) Quote from a movie/game/tv show
<picture>

2) This is hot
<picture>

3) Omg, photoshop this crappy picture I took from some other website.
<picture>

4) I made you (________)
<unaltered picture, inverted color picture, badly filtered picture>

Bel Air'd Threads These threads are thread which seem like an innocent story about something happening in the user's life or stories which are ghastly and horrible. Story topics are banned anyways, but usually they will just be locked and redirected to posting in your own user page. A bel air'd thread usually ends in bel air rap, a rick roll, some other stupid quote off topic, or something about bears.

You will be banned for making a Bel Air'd story thread and it will be deleted. You could even get banned for posting in one. Contact a moderator if you see it happening.

Example:

Once upon a time I wrote a story. I introduced some characters and they did some neat stuff. Then I introduced a problem in the plot. The characters did their best to solve it. Then I get closer to closing off the story. And that's when the bad guy said "in west vilanovia born and raised... etc"

Ms pain threads "ms paint your pet pieves" "ms paint your dog" "ms paint newgrounds" "ms paint a penis" you get the idea. Probably going to be locked if we see too many.

Video threads this has been around forever. Post them here. No ifs ands or buts.

Video Game Threads in the General Section You probably won't get banned. But if you acknowledge that you knew about the video game forum you will be. Your topic will be locked and redirected unless we know you know better.

One line posts Not all one line posts will get you banned. But frequent one line posts might, especially when they start leaning towards a gimmick.

It goes without saying that "rape her", "delete system32", "do a barrel roll", "go cut/kill/fuck yourself" and many others all fall under this category.

Additionally, copying someoneelse's post will get you banned.
You will also get banned for quote pyramids.
You will also get banned for posts which contain nothing but a meme.
You will also get banned for tl;dr comments.
You will also get banned for I don't care comments
You will also get banned for this thread is over comments
You will also get banned for excessive use of win/fail. What is excessive? Using it at all.
Telling people to use the search bar is stupid. Be a little more helpful or get a mod.
Trying to derail a thread by posting about something else or responding to something completely off topic. Make a new one.

Sexually based topics Its fine to talk about sex, but you guys are obsessed. Half of the topics are also made by trolls. If you are talking about a personal experience, you can use the relationship club in C & C or your blog post. Posting every day about your sexual exploits gets tiresome and we'll just delete them. Also, asking whether you like furries is a bad topic. You can usually tell by going to their blog and we don't need a topic on it. There are appropriate times for these topics, but most of you can't figure it out. Here are some clues to topics I'll usually delete based on title:

- Can you suck your own dick?
- Who's the hottest porn star?
- I did/tried *yadda yadda* with my gf/bf
- I like *insert type of porn here*
etc

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This index serves as a jumping point or start point to helpful information, popular blogs, and well, my stuff too. Keep in mind the emphasis will always be to provide the most useful and helpful links first!

New to this update:
(( The Audio Report ))

To add your blogs to this post, pm gumOnShoe or post below.
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[[Newgrounds Related Blogs]]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

> Official BBS Topics - These topics are all "official" in some mannor. They were likely recreated at some point or another and now all of one type of discussion should go on in here. There are also several helpful threads and official BBS moderation rulings inside. All and all, its an extremely useful collection of links if you are interested in a high traffic topic, want to make a new topic, or you want to find out about BBS House Rules.

> BBS Goldmine - Recently excivated, this list of topics are full of pure hilarity, or most of them anyway. Many users have contributed to help find these, and only the best of the best have made it on to the list.

> Contests - There are usually monthly contests in specific forums around the site. This is a good idea to figure out whats going on whether you are into art, flash, or audio. Occasionally there are writing competions as well. Have you created a contest? Add it here.

< NEW !!! > The Audio Report - by WritersBlock - A magazine style blog dedicated to interviews, tutorials and reviews of all things Audio Portal. The owners of this blog regularly accept others' articles. So whether, you're just in for a good read or you want to contribute check this out. The audio report aims to be a community project where musicians and journalists can come together.

> Newgrounds Library - by HybridOfSouls - I'm not the only to have attempted a large collection of interesting threads, nor am I the first. Recently ported over to a blog post is the Newgrounds Library, this collection is of monstrous size and helpfulness. Its a running archive of tons of different kinds of bbs happenings. Feel free to peruse its multiple newsposts for lists of its helpers, multiple pages of links, and other tid bits that have been included. Highly recommended for people looking to brush up on their NG Community History.

> NG BBS FAQ - Aside from topics being constantly recreated, you'll find that a lot of questions are constantly being asked in new topics. To spare yourself the grief of making a topic and possibly be flamed, check out this list of questions to see if its already been answered. Is there a question and answer that should be on this list? Feel free to post to the newspost with suggestions.

> NG Musician's Blog - - by Rig - - If you're into music, this one is definately for you. You'll get a list of everything from suggestions on how to improve your music, to tutorials on this site explaining how to start. It is also a great jumping point for anything related to the Audio Portal and/or forums. Definately check this one out.

> Answers to Frequently Asked Questions - This is the general Newgrounds FAQ, it isn't a blog, but I feel it belongs in this list of useful links. There's a link up above for it, but in case you didn't catch it or you can't find the answer in the NG BBS FAQ, checking this link is probably a good idea.

> C & C Index of Active Clubs - This is the list of active clubs in the clubs & crews section, sorted by topic. Its recommended that you check this list for the existance of a club before you try to recreate it. Its also a great way of finding out whether something exists if you don't know its name or the search isn't being responsive. If you have created a new club, please post it to the user page and I'll add it as soon as possible.

Newgrounds API FAQ - This is the help blog for adding ads to your flash movies. Any questions should be asked and answered here. Thanks to Psycho Goldfish for that one.

<More Coming Soon>
Do you have an extremely helpful blog that doesn't fit into one of the categories above? If the answer is yes, reply to this newspost and I'll add a link to it here. I merely request that at the bottom, or in a conspicuous place you add a [< Back To Main/Index] link so that the entire group of "blogosphere" pages remain connected and usable. If your topic does fit into one of the categories, consider adding it to that newspost instead. This Main/Index page should remain as clutter free as possible.

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[[Other Blogs]]
To add one of your newsposts to the Blogosphere, post (not pm) at the bottom of this topic. Your topic will be presented as:
<insert topic> - by <insert name>

(((Exciting News)))

(((Stories)))

(((Art)))
Saint's Aura - by Alfie: Ever wonder what ultimate good level icons would look like? He's got the entire set.

Bot's Aura - by Eddie: The bot's have such a low level, if only they deposited, right?

(((Off Site)))
Temporary Unofficial Non-Paltalk Ng-Chat
Fourth Perspective - A website dedicated to being a writing portal.
11 Names Blog Group - Run by some friends of mine

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[[Personal Blogs]]

- Trigger Ethics - A Radio Drama that is currently in production and scheduled to be broadcasted in Fall 2008.

- Upcoming Games:
Shepherd - Press M to Mute the sounds.

- Blog - My Blog - Yeah, so if you don't know yet, the name is Brian. I'm using the gumOnShoe account and a few others to run this helpful blog, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything interesting to say, or that I don't pretend to at least. If you want to pick my brain or see what I'm thinking about everynow and then, consider this link here my real blog. The rest of this is meant for you outside of the personal section.<div class="blogmedia">

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[[ Modish Announcements ]]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(( Forum Reminder / Lesson: Replying ))
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/92 7102

This is not directed at every user, but this is a healthy reminder. A forum is about more than just the opening post. A forum is a discussion. Even more than that, it is a central gathering point for many people to discuss things. For that reason, it might be a good idea to treat each reply as if you were making a new topic. That is, unless you can justify it, find it interesting, etc, just don't post.

Here are a few basic guidelines on what not to do, that I've seen frequently, and which you might be banned for if I catch you doing it:

1) TL;DR
2) Don't care
3) <insert insult>
4) /thread
5) this is against the rules
6) use the search bar
7) Win/Fail
8) This thread/topic is now about ________

If you don't care, didn't read, or want to talk about something else, then you aren't staying on subject, which means that you either need to:

1) Create a new topic
2) Don't do anything
3) Think harder and/or read

This is where I say something like you've been warned.

Why YOU should advertise your blogs here:

1) You've taken time to create it and express your thoughts and it sucks when you've not gotten much recognition
2) As a moderator, I get frequent hits on my userpage. Its something about the gold aura, its like a bug zapper. If you don't believe me, you are my proof.
3) I want to know what you've done and I can't know without clicking on your profile, and I'm not going to do that on a whim unless you're abusing the bbs.
4) All the cool kids are doing it.

Without further adu... the blogosphere (BS)
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This index serves as a jumping point or start point to helpful information, popular blogs, and well, my stuff too. Keep in mind the emphasis will always be to provide the most useful and helpful links first!

New to this update:
(( The Audio Report ))

To add your blogs to this post, pm gumOnShoe or post below.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
[[Newgrounds Related Blogs]]

> Official BBS Topics - These topics are all "official" in some mannor. They were likely recreated at some point or another and now all of one type of discussion should go on in here. There are also several helpful threads and official BBS moderation rulings inside. All and all, its an extremely useful collection of links if you are interested in a high traffic topic, want to make a new topic, or you want to find out about BBS House Rules.

> BBS Goldmine - Recently excivated, this list of topics are full of pure hilarity, or most of them anyway. Many users have contributed to help find these, and only the best of the best have made it on to the list.

> Contests - There are usually monthly contests in specific forums around the site. This is a good idea to figure out whats going on whether you are into art, flash, or audio. Occasionally there are writing competions as well. Have you created a contest? Add it here.

< NEW !!! > The Audio Report - by WritersBlock - A magazine style blog dedicated to interviews, tutorials and reviews of all things Audio Portal. The owners of this blog regularly accept others' articles. So whether, you're just in for a good read or you want to contribute check this out. The audio report aims to be a community project where musicians and journalists can come together.

> Newgrounds Library - by HybridOfSouls - I'm not the only to have attempted a large collection of interesting threads, nor am I the first. Recently ported over to a blog post is the Newgrounds Library, this collection is of monstrous size and helpfulness. Its a running archive of tons of different kinds of bbs happenings. Feel free to peruse its multiple newsposts for lists of its helpers, multiple pages of links, and other tid bits that have been included. Highly recommended for people looking to brush up on their NG Community History.

> NG BBS FAQ - Aside from topics being constantly recreated, you'll find that a lot of questions are constantly being asked in new topics. To spare yourself the grief of making a topic and possibly be flamed, check out this list of questions to see if its already been answered. Is there a question and answer that should be on this list? Feel free to post to the newspost with suggestions.

> NG Musician's Blog - - by Rig - - If you're into music, this one is definately for you. You'll get a list of everything from suggestions on how to improve your music, to tutorials on this site explaining how to start. It is also a great jumping point for anything related to the Audio Portal and/or forums. Definately check this one out.

> Answers to Frequently Asked Questions - This is the general Newgrounds FAQ, it isn't a blog, but I feel it belongs in this list of useful links. There's a link up above for it, but in case you didn't catch it or you can't find the answer in the NG BBS FAQ, checking this link is probably a good idea.

> C & C Index of Active Clubs - This is the list of active clubs in the clubs & crews section, sorted by topic. Its recommended that you check this list for the existance of a club before you try to recreate it. Its also a great way of finding out whether something exists if you don't know its name or the search isn't being responsive. If you have created a new club, please post it to the user page and I'll add it as soon as possible.

Newgrounds API FAQ - This is the help blog for adding ads to your flash movies. Any questions should be asked and answered here. Thanks to Psycho Goldfish for that one.

<More Coming Soon>
Do you have an extremely helpful blog that doesn't fit into one of the categories above? If the answer is yes, reply to this newspost and I'll add a link to it here. I merely request that at the bottom, or in a conspicuous place you add a [< Back To Main/Index] link so that the entire group of "blogosphere" pages remain connected and usable. If your topic does fit into one of the categories, consider adding it to that newspost instead. This Main/Index page should remain as clutter free as possible.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
[[Other Blogs]]
To add one of your newsposts to the Blogosphere, post (not pm) at the bottom of this topic. Your topic will be presented as:
<insert topic> - by <insert name>

(((Exciting News)))

(((Stories)))

(((Art)))
Saint's Aura - by Alfie: Ever wonder what ultimate good level icons would look like? He's got the entire set.

Bot's Aura - by Eddie: The bot's have such a low level, if only they deposited, right?

(((Off Site)))
Temporary Unofficial Non-Paltalk Ng-Chat
Fourth Perspective - A website dedicated to being a writing portal.
11 Names Blog Group - Run by some friends of mine

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

[[Personal Blogs]]

- Trigger Ethics - A Radio Drama that is currently in production and scheduled to be broadcasted in Fall 2008.

- Upcoming Games:
Shepherd - Press M to Mute the sounds.

- Blog - My Blog - Yeah, so if you don't know yet, the name is Brian. I'm using the gumOnShoe account and a few others to run this helpful blog, but that doesn't mean I don't have anything interesting to say, or that I don't pretend to at least. If you want to pick my brain or see what I'm thinking about everynow and then, consider this link here my real blog. The rest of this is meant for you outside of the personal section.<div class="blogmedia">

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
[[ Modish Announcements ]]
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
(( Forum Reminder / Lesson: Replying ))
http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/92 7102

This is not directed at every user, but this is a healthy reminder. A forum is about more than just the opening post. A forum is a discussion. Even more than that, it is a central gathering point for many people to discuss things. For that reason, it might be a good idea to treat each reply as if you were making a new topic. That is, unless you can justify it, find it interesting, etc, just don't post.

Here are a few basic guidelines on what not to do, that I've seen frequently, and which you might be banned for if I catch you doing it:

1) TL;DR
2) Don't care
3) <insert insult>
4) /thread
5) this is against the rules
6) use the search bar
7) Win/Fail
8) This thread/topic is now about ________

If you don't care, didn't read, or want to talk about something else, then you aren't staying on subject, which means that you either need to:

1) Create a new topic
2) Don't do anything
3) Think harder and/or read

This is where I say something like you've been warned.